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Right-Center-Left Production Co.

Don't Drink the Water

Category: Non-Equity Audition
Pay: No Pay

Don't Drink the Water is a play written by Woody Allen that premiered on Broadway in 1966. The farce takes place inside an American Embassy in an unnamed European country behind the Iron Curtain The American Ambassador must leave the Embassy for business and, in his absence, he places his incompetent son Axel Magee in charge. Almost immediately the Embassy is thrust into a crisis as the Hollanders, an American family of tourists, come rushing in on the run from the Communist police. Walter, the father, had accidentally snuck into a high security area and taken pictures, causing the communist to believe the family are spies. Axel digs the hole deeper and the embassy is surrounded, leaving the Hollanders trapped.

-Axel Magee - An American foreign diplomat who only went into the business due to his father rather then his actual talent in art. He has a tendency to ramble, especially when nervous. He falls in love with Susan during the play.

-Walter Hollander - A caterer from Newark, New Jersey. He is married to Marion and is the father of Susan and Seth. He causes his family to become trapped in the American embassy after he takes pictures of a high security area. He is very loud and abrasive but he can be kind when he wants to be.

-Marion Hollander - Walter's homemaker wife and the mother of Susan and Seth, she too is somewhat inappropriate but she's much kinder then Walter.

-Susan Hollander - Walter and Marion's beautiful daughter who falls in love with Axel.

-Father Drobney - A priest hiding out in the embassy for 6 years with a love of magic tricks. He is the narrator of the play.

-Kilroy - Ambassador Magee's stuck-up assistant who is much more competent at his job then Axel (could be fe-male).

-Krojack - The head of the Communist police who traps the Hollanders in the embassy.

-Burns - An assistant working at the embassy (could be female).

-Ambassador Magee - Axel's father who is the ambassador of the unnamed country and the head of the embassy.

-Chef - The embassy's chef, who consistently butts heads with Walter (could be female)

-Sultan of Bashir- Rich Middle-Eastern ruler who visits the Embassy with his wife

-Sultan's wife- Young, pretty wife of the Sultan of Bashir

-Kasnar- Guest at the Embassy

-Countess Bordoni- Wealthy guest of the Embassy

-Ensemble- Krojack's thugs, sous chef, party guests etc.

All auditions will take place at the Ridgefield-Crystal Lake Presbyterian Church, 8505 Church Street, Crystal Lake, IL 60012 (in Ridgefield).

Time Commitment:
First Rehearsal: Early June (Mon-Thurs 7:00pm; Sunday afternoons TBD)
Tech: 7/5
Open: 7/10 (dinner-theatre performances: Sat/Sun evenings at 7:30 pm, dessert-only: Sundays at 2 pm)
Close: 7/26

All rehearsals, tech, and performances are at the Ridgefield-Crystal Lake Presbyterian Church, 8505 Church Street, Crystal Lake, IL 60012 (in Ridgefield).

Material To Prepare:
Please prepare one appropriate, short monologue, not to exceed two minutes. We may see another piece if there is time and/or work with you in the room! Please also be sure to bring one 8x10 hard copy of a headshot/resume stapled with your contact information on the resume itself.

Contact Info:
Email a digital Headshot/Resume in one PDF file and a cover letter in the body of the email to Please also specify a date and time that may work best for you to audition (either on March 8th or March 9th).

Reply To Email:


Audition Dates:

Mar 8 6-9pm
Mar 9 7-10pm
Mar 11 Callbacks 7pm
Posted Date: Feb 12, 2020